I love to use water metaphors to describe so many things...
- I choose to see the glass half full.
- It's raining cats & dogs!
- Her mood changes with the tides, and today is very rough surf.
- He's up sh*$ creek without a paddle.
- Did a hurricane just blow through this room?
- It's like being hit by a tidal wave of data - I'm drowning in details!
- etc. (feel free to add your own!)
But my all-time favorite metaphor -- one that sustains me and helps me feel like I'm "on course" or that tells me I need re-direction -- is the idea of a River of Life. I am determined to stay in the smooth-flowing water in the middle, and trying to avoid bumping up against the sharp rocks along the banks, or the rapids that appear when I'm not paying attention and looking around or behind me, instead of ahead.
When I'm "in the flow" and everything feels easy, good, resoundingly happy, I know that no changes are needed. But when I feel myself hitting the shore, or the current seems out of control, it's time to take out the paddle and try a different path back to smoother currents.
That's what I'm doing now. Things have been going along pretty well, especially in the family department. I've got awesome, healthy sons who make me laugh every day. Andrew and I are solid, and appreciate one another on many levels. As a bonus, my darling husband has a job that he's really good at, and it offers a good salary and benefits! My parents are both healthy and we have great conversations every week. I've been able to see my siblings at least several times a year, and it's always chaotic fun when we do. There are SO many good things, it's been difficult to put my finger on why I always feel like I'm fighting the current.
I finally admitted that it's my job. I still love my career as a research consultant. I do cool work for interesting clients. When I travel, it's not a big hardship, and when I'm home, I have flexibility by working in my house, not going into an office more than once a week. But it feels really rough, choppy, and a lot of that has to do with the company where I've worked for 10 years. I hate admitting that it might be time for me to go.
But as I look up ahead, I can see the River of my life splits. The middle part, where I am now, is just as choppy as where I am today, so I can't stay here; I have to make a choice, get the paddle out and row in a new direction.
There are two tributaries branching off this River. One is mostly smooth, but slower moving. I can't tell how deep the water is, and whether it will sustain me miles downriver. But it has lots of nice shoreline with places to picnic with my kids, take walks, enjoy the green grass and sunshine. Will I just get stuck in the mud or find it takes too many turns, if I take this branch? Or will it get deeper over time, as I find the smooth middle ground and adjust to the flow? This branch is called "Working For Myself."
The other tributary looks pretty nice from here. Lots of happy people helping to navigate around any of the rougher water, a bunch of nice places to stop for lunch on the shoreline, and new, verdant terrain. But it's a bit more crowded, and I definitely won't control the pace. Will this just end up feeling like a slightly more pleasant version of the "old" River, maybe a bit more relaxed, with fewer rocks and branches sticking out to knock me out of the boat? Will this branch, called "Joining Another Firm" be the right kind of change? Hmmm.
Well, that's what I'm thinking about today. How to stay in the flow - which is just a euphemism for following God's path. I'm always encouraging others to do the same - to look ahead for the smoothest, most pleasant water and aim for that, knowing that's where God wants you. And once you're in the flow, it will just feel peaceful. Once it's easy, you just keep going, and enjoy the ride.
3 comments:
Susan.....I wish we lived closer.
You made one decision. You need to make a change.
The next decision is to listen to your heart. Take a moment. Think about Hall and Partners. Listen to your emotion. Is it filled with questions? Anxiety? Excitement and enthusiasm? Are you saying, I really want to do this? Are you smiling?
Now think about home office. Working for yourself. Ask the same questions. Is it filled with anxiety? Enthusiasm? Are you smiling?
Follow your heart. Pray.
I have been through this a few times, and everytime I do this thinking exercise, it works. Even when I make the wrong decision, I see that I tried to cover it up, be defensive and say, oh I am just afraid of change. Nope. You are change, thats your personality. Its just a big move. Face your fears and choose what feels right. The option to do the other one is likely to be an option down the road at some point anyway.
Wish we could talk---Nan
You are an amazing girl! Besides being the brightest and the best in the class you are BRAVE! I hear from reading your words you are ready for change and that is the first step. You are being nudged to change your course. I think that is your prayers being answered. Now just stop and try to listen for the wisdom you are seeking. God is good, loves you, and wants the best for your life and your amazing family!
You are loved and supported by your parents who love you so very much!
xoxoxoo
Your greatest cheerleader, Mom
Happy Mothers Day to Mom of Susan Sweet! I have to say I concur with you, she is most awesome and wonderful and I am very lucky she is in my life.
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