Decade of Collagues

I'm heading into the final week at Doyle Research Associates, where I've spent the last decade of my career. I'm feeling such mixed emotions about it, that I started to write a facebook post and realized it would be better as a blog entry. So here goes.

Spending more than a decade at one company is rare, especially with the economic upheaval of the past few years. And, it's almost unheard of for people in my generation, Gen X, so famously made out to be "slackers" in 90s movies. But I think Hollywood got it wrong. What I've seen from my contemporaries is a desire for authenticity. The desire to be who we say we are, and more importantly, who we want to be. We work hard for what we want, and then we realize it's not possible to "have it all" we make hard choices and don't whine about them. I'm actually quite proud of being an Xer. I think we're onto something (as I would, wouldn't I?) about authenticity that other generations do not have in the same way. There's no sense of entitlement. We work for it, and we know it won't be easy. I hope that generations after us realize that living an authentic life comes with a price, and it's one that's worth paying.

What have I collected over the past 10 years? What will I remember most? Well, it's not the work, per se, but the people...


What I will miss most leaving DRA is all the little moments with my wonderful colleagues. The moments that don't stick in your mind until they are fleeting. Some of those colleagues are still at DRA, and some have already moved on. But once you work in this special environment, you're forever bonded...because you get it. Suddenly, I miss these colleagues passionately. Several of them have actually become like sisters to me. I will never forget them, and how they have been honest with me when I needed that does of reality. I will also be forever grateful for how they pushed me to be better. They have served as great examples for me, and I will long remember the lessons I have learned by working alongside them.


I will miss many of my clients. Now granted, they can always "follow me" if they want to do so, but I won't be actively pursuing any of them. A few of these clients I will gladly leave behind but most of them have been great clients: the kind who are thoughtful marketers, want to collaborate with their suppliers, and most importantly, pay their bills when due! Some of them have become friends - not just the kind you add to Christmas card lists, but the kind you call up when you're going to be in town so you can go grab cocktails together. The kind you are always happy to help with "free advice," because you care about them and their business. I have collected quite a few of those in the past decade. 


And finally, I will miss the sense that I built something. I built it for my colleagues, so we would all have good jobs even when the economy tanked. I helped build a company where people wanted to go to work, where they felt valued, appreciated and challenged. But I also built it for my family. Over time I've been able to craft the kind of work-life balance that seemed rather elusive before I had kids. But it's all worked out, and now I know what I'm never willing to give up. Yes, there will always be periods when I'm crazy-busy (that is the nature of this business!) but I also know what I'm going to keep as my laser focus on "balance," and I have a pretty good idea how to do it.


I've learned so much being part of Doyle Research Associates, and I'm proud to have been part of this company for almost 11 years. I wish all my colleagues - and my boss, Kathy Doyle - every success and much happiness in the future.


So thank you, colleagues, for everything you have meant to me, and for the many gifts you have bestowed on me, even without trying. I feel so grateful for you! And appreciating the gift of people in your life is a very Sweet thing indeed.

Getting the Timing Right

I've been thinking a lot about timing lately. When is the right time to do something, to act...and when is it time to just chill out? When is it right to "push it" and when should you just relax, wait, wait some more, and then act? I wish I always knew the answer to that.

I was especially thinking of this on my business trip to North Carolina this week. I lived there once. I was 24 years old, a baby really, and just married to Mike. We were married all of two years before things fell entirely apart, and divorced a year after that. He was a good guy, we were a "nice couple" on the surface, and we were wildly excited about our life together at the beginning. But both of us rushed it. We'd known each other for several years during college, we were great communicators, and we thought we could work through anything, at least intellectually. We had nice, supportive families. They encouraged us to go for our dreams. And when that dream included marrying one another before we were even a year into our student loan payments, they probably scratched their heads but smiled and supported us. We were both headstrong, determined to get a jump-start on life, and figured that doing it together was as good an idea as any. Why was I in such a hurry?

I'm not going to over-analyze it here, but I know the ENTIRE marriage and divorce process could have been avoided if I'd realized the timing wasn't right. If I'd just sssslllllloooooooowweedd ddooowwwwwwnn. Because we were a terrible match. Really, patently wrong for each other. And I would have seen that if I had taken an extra few months - and better yet years - of dating before deciding to jump into the "forever" idea. A bit more time would have made it clear to others - such as my best friends and my family - that they should counsel me against this rushed decision. I simply didn't give it enough time. Egads, that was a bad one.

It's been really clear to me over the past few years that when I take a deep breath, step back and slow down, I make much better decisions. It's mainly when I'm in a hurry, or I try to hurry others, that I get into trouble. And I envy those who seem to have a knack for getting the timing right.

My little brother, Chuck, is the perfect example. He takes things nice and easy, but he is still incredibly productive. He acts after thinking, after taking some time to really chill out and sit with the options for a while. He's always worked in the outdoors; he loves nature and he has a lot of skills. For the past few seasons he's been the lead sawyer on a Hotshot crew - you know, the guys who go into wildland and forest fires and physically create the fire lines we hear about on the news. (Yep, that's my baby brother. Such a stud! But I digress...)

Chuck earned a bunch of money through really hard work - and investments he made during the emotionally wrenching experience taking care of our very ill cousin - and he took time to decide what he wanted to do "next." The cool thing is that the easy (and quick!) decision would have been to just go back to Hotshotin' because everyone on his crew, and probably the entire U.S. Forest Service, loves him. But he waited until the time was right, and set himself up to go to photography school. I am so ridiculously proud of him. It's amazing that he made this choice. And now he will get to combine his amazing talents and love of nature in a new way. I can't wait to see what comes out of this. His patience and willingness to wait until the time was right is truly inspiring, and a very Sweet thing.

Consider the Source

(Note: If you haven't read my previous post, you might want to do that now...)

Well, I've made a decision about which path to take. It feels really good! I'm so excited about getting out of the murky, stagnant water and into something fresh and swift. I've got my paddle ready and I'm ready to use it. My head feels clear, my eyes are bright, and I have the energy needed for (and indeed, am being fed by) what lies ahead.

How did I finally make this decision, you might ask? Well, I had a lot of "signs" that pointed me in the right direction.

• The first was a couple of conference presentations and subsequent news articles I read about growth in the market research field. Everything pointed me to the direction of "greater collaboration." In fact, one of the papers referenced the company that I will be joining. (Sign #1)
• I visited a dear friend in London, and he is a senior, senior planner - the type that would be my clients' boss - and when I told him about the opportunity, he told me, "You'd be an idiot not to take this. It's perfect for you. You will grow and grow and always be better for it." (Sign #2)
• The next was having dinner in Prague with two women - one a shaman, the other a respected researcher and ethnographer, who also is an expert in Tarot cards! :-) Andrew tried not to get bored as she read my cards while we were having dinner next to the Charles Bridge and WOW did I have a lot of positive choices - nothing looked bad according to the Tarot. However, I got the "Universe" card for the path I ultimately chose. This is about the best thing you can get - and definitely matched everything I was looking for - growth, opportunity, tapping into the universal energy, blah-de-blah-blah. It all sounded perfect; I felt like the divine was talking directly to me. (Sign #3)
• I got an email from the company I have decided to join, the day before my presentation in Prague, wishing me luck. It came from the head of the qualitative unit - my boss's boss. She signed it with affection. Did I get anything similar from my boss of 10 years? Nope. (Sign #4)
• When I got back to my office and was reporting on the conference, one of my current colleagues mentioned - entirely out of the blue - the company I would be joining as an example of forward thinking, rigorous analysis, and team collaboration...all the things I was trying to communicate at the staff meeting. She had worked there a decade previously and still was impressed by what they were doing. (Sign #5)
• And finally, I got an actual job offer. It was exactly what I'd asked for. Really competitive, amazing benefits. There was no negotiating - total excitement on both sides. They way my soon-to-be boss concluded our phone conversation was this: "I'm so excited for us - because I know you're going to be an amazing part of our team. But more importantly, I'm excited for you - because you're going to be able to craft the exact future you want here." (Sign #6)

How many more signs did I need? None. All of these sources were trustworthy. I feel like they were building the lock in the river - a safe place that would allow me to breathe, think, and turn the boat so I could switch gears. I'm now turning the boat, ready for what's ahead.

My parents are super excited for me. They've always pushed me to follow my dreams. They think I'm brilliant no matter what. But they never told me "what to do," they just encouraged me to pray about it and then to listen - really listen - because the divine speaks in many ways.

Being a Sweet means staying open to input from many sources, deeply listening, and ultimately going with what feels right. I've done that, and I'm at peace.

Staying in the Flow

I love to use water metaphors to describe so many things...

• I choose to see the glass half full.
• It's raining cats & dogs!
• Her mood changes with the tides, and today is very rough surf.
• He's up sh*$ creek without a paddle.
• Did a hurricane just blow through this room?
• It's like being hit by a tidal wave of data - I'm drowning in details!
• etc. (feel free to add your own!)

But my all-time favorite metaphor -- one that sustains me and helps me feel like I'm "on course" or that tells me I need re-direction -- is the idea of a River of Life. I am determined to stay in the smooth-flowing water in the middle, and trying to avoid bumping up against the sharp rocks along the banks, or the rapids that appear when I'm not paying attention and looking around or behind me, instead of ahead.

When I'm "in the flow" and everything feels easy, good, resoundingly happy, I know that no changes are needed. But when I feel myself hitting the shore, or the current seems out of control, it's time to take out the paddle and try a different path back to smoother currents.

That's what I'm doing now. Things have been going along pretty well, especially in the family department. I've got awesome, healthy sons who make me laugh every day. Andrew and I are solid, and appreciate one another on many levels. As a bonus, my darling husband has a job that he's really good at, and it offers a good salary and benefits! My parents are both healthy and we have great conversations every week. I've been able to see my siblings at least several times a year, and it's always chaotic fun when we do. There are SO many good things, it's been difficult to put my finger on why I always feel like I'm fighting the current.

I finally admitted that it's my job. I still love my career as a research consultant. I do cool work for interesting clients. When I travel, it's not a big hardship, and when I'm home, I have flexibility by working in my house, not going into an office more than once a week. But it feels really rough, choppy, and a lot of that has to do with the company where I've worked for 10 years. I hate admitting that it might be time for me to go.

But as I look up ahead, I can see the River of my life splits. The middle part, where I am now, is just as choppy as where I am today, so I can't stay here; I have to make a choice, get the paddle out and row in a new direction.

There are two tributaries branching off this River. One is mostly smooth, but slower moving. I can't tell how deep the water is, and whether it will sustain me miles downriver. But it has lots of nice shoreline with places to picnic with my kids, take walks, enjoy the green grass and sunshine. Will I just get stuck in the mud or find it takes too many turns, if I take this branch? Or will it get deeper over time, as I find the smooth middle ground and adjust to the flow? This branch is called "Working For Myself."

The other tributary looks pretty nice from here. Lots of happy people helping to navigate around any of the rougher water, a bunch of nice places to stop for lunch on the shoreline, and new, verdant terrain. But it's a bit more crowded, and I definitely won't control the pace. Will this just end up feeling like a slightly more pleasant version of the "old" River, maybe a bit more relaxed, with fewer rocks and branches sticking out to knock me out of the boat? Will this branch, called "Joining Another Firm" be the right kind of change? Hmmm.

Well, that's what I'm thinking about today. How to stay in the flow - which is just a euphemism for following God's path. I'm always encouraging others to do the same - to look ahead for the smoothest, most pleasant water and aim for that, knowing that's where God wants you. And once you're in the flow, it will just feel peaceful. Once it's easy, you just keep going, and enjoy the ride.

If I follow my own advice and use the river-of-life metaphor, it's time to get out the paddle and actively change my path. And being a Sweet means being brave, not getting stuck, and carving out the life you want.

I can't wait to see what's around the bend!

Chicago With Kids (for visitors)

I am constantly asked by friends who are planning a visit to Chicago - usually with kids - what they should do while they are here. I have recreated this list so many times that I finally decided to put it all together and just plop it into this blog. So here you go!

Chicago With Kids

I would suggest some of the following as MUSTS for your first visit:

o Navy Pier – huge ferris wheel, an IMAX movie theater, the Chicago Children’s Museum, restaurants, an amazing view of the Chicago skyline, bike rentals...it’s all here and it’s worth an entire day!

o Lincoln Park Zoo – it’s free and amazing. You can do this in the middle of the day and have lunch there, or go about a half block outside the zoo to a place called R.J. Grunt’s for hamburgers, a great salad bar, drinks, etc.

o Shedd Aquarium – They’ve got everything aquarium-ish: fish, sharks, a show with beluga whales, etc. the admission isn’t cheap but it’s worth paying for the additional “shows” that you want to see. If you go here, get there when the doors open because it is popular!

o Walk along the Lake Michigan lakefront path, particularly near the Aquarium, Field Museum and Observatory, known as “the museum campus”

o Peggy Notebaert Nature Museum – right near the Lincoln Park Zoo, inexpensive admission and interesting for the Butterfly Habitat, plus the current exhibit on robots. It’s very low-key as a museum, and most exciting to kids into ecology, science, etc.

o Deep dish pizza at the “original” Geno’s East – they actually moved to a new location but took the walls, ovens, pans, etc. with them. It’s fun, and near all the other “touristy” restaurants the kids might love, Hard Rock Café, Rainforest Café, Ed Debevic’s (diner-type place where the servers yell at you and kids love it), ESPN Zone, etc.

o GIRLS: A trip to the American Girl Place flagship store. If your daughter is into the AG story and has a doll, try to get a reservation for “tea” or lunch for a special memory.

o BOYS (and girls too): The Museum of Science & Industry on the South side. Explore a real German U-boat submarine, see and IMAX movie, explore space and the human body, take a trip into a coal mine, and more. Our favorite museum in Chicago for the amazing interactive displays. Easily as good as a Smithsonian museum.

I hope you have a good trip and don't forget to call me when you're here. I would love to show you some of the "lesser known" aspects of Chicago and some of the mom-and-pop, ethnic restaurants that make living here so exciting, and at the same time, pretty kid-friendly.

After all, being a Sweet means always being hospitable. :-)

Brotherly Love...and Monsters

Sometimes I am blown away by the brotherly love our sons show one another. And sometimes, I'm just bewildered by their ability to annoy one another. Tonight was no exception. When they got home from school they were as loving as could be, two peas in a pod. And then before bed, the monsters came out.

Me: Boys, go upstairs and put your pajamas on.
Quin (age 7): It's scary up there in the dark.
Tate (age 4): Don't worry, I'll protect you!
Me: The lights are on, just go up there - now.
They both walk up the stairs, and when they reach the top, Tate turns off the light, laughing. Quin literally flies back down the stairs and falls on the floor in a heap, wailing.
Tate: I won't do it again, come back!
Quin: No, I know your tricks!
Tate: But this time I won't, it's a pinky promise.
Quin: I'm on to you Tate... You are not nice.
Tate: Well, you don't know all my tricks, Quin. I have some that really hurt.
(At this point, I've been able to stop laughing and am a bit worried that my youngest may be possessed.)
3 minutes later... (Quin has his PJs on, and is standing next to me. Tate races down the stairs.)
Tate: Let's wrestle, Quin.
Quin: Tate, get off me! You need to get your pajamas on and settle down.
(They separate, Quin goes to brush his teeth. Tate goes into his room and starts to dance on top of his bed.)
Tate: (singing) Let's get this party started! Look at my fancy, prancy, dancey dance! I'll party up here the whole night.... (silence) Mom! My snail died! It smells like a stinky, dead snail in there. Oh, wait, that's just my garbage can. Stinky, dead snaaaaaaaillll!
Quin: Gross.